Thought you might be getting bored of me so I’ve asked Helen to share some of her thoughts. Here they are:
The first time I was diagnosed with depression I was 12. I had been admitted to hospital with an overdose. It was a cry for help. I knew something wasn’t right.
But the thing with being 12 years old is they aren’t willing to give you anti-depressants. And at 12 you don’t want to talk to people, so counselling doesn’t work. That and parents who don’t recognise it’s a problem leads to a messed up few teenage years.
When the author asked me to guest blog I was thrilled. I too am a blogger and love to write. But then it begged the question, what do I write? What can I add that the author cannot?
I then realised for the last 10 years I have been battling with the disease. I have spent many years being depressed and very few not. Most of my life felt like I was in a black hole and I tried everything to get out.
Doctors don’t know how to deal with someone like me. At first, I wasn’t allowed drugs due to my age and then I decided against them. I wanted it to be my victory. Not a drug company’s. Well that and a little addiction problem.
It’s a bitch the d word. It sucks arse.
My most recent diagnosis was in June and had a very obvious cause. Most of the time though it hasn’t. I’ve been fighting something that I didn’t understand.
Each time though, 3 things got me through it:
1) A mass of ice cream and movies. Seriously, having time to just be me was so helpful. To feel like shit and not be told off for it.
2) My friends and family. It took a long time for my mum to understand but when she finally did, she was my biggest support. To have people love you through something is amazing. To be able to call them and for them to tell you jokes or listen to you cry or bring more Hagen Daaz. My dad used to buy me Monty Python films to cheer me up. The little things those around you do to help are priceless.
3) For me it was my faith. I think faith is a good thing, no matter you religion: agnostic, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Pagan etc. People try and belittle people of faith and I get so angry at that. Why take away from someone something so profound? We tell children that Father Christmas is real, what’s wrong with believing a god is real? My faith in God gave me a reason to keep fighting, to keep living. A faith that God has a plan for my life, that God loved me and wanted me to keep going, that God had made me the person I am. What kept me going the most though was knowing there was someone who was and is constant and would listen to me while like the little bitch I could be. Whatever someone’s faith, as long as it isn’t hurting others why not support them in it? I believe that there was a reason for all the crap I felt. And that reason was find my strength.
So I’m a depression survivor. I don’t know where the road of life will take me. But I know I have come a long way and that the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is a cliché for a reason. It ain’t easy but it’s sure as hell worth it when you can look out at life and be genuinely happy.